Trapped

"Love" - by Me, October 2013

"Widget?" Poppet asks after a long silence.
"Yes?"
"Is is not that bad to be trapped somewhere, then? Depending on where you're trapped?"
"I suppose it depends on how much you like the place you're trapped in," Widget says.
"And how much you like whoever you're stuck there with," Poppet adds, kicking his black boot with her white one.  
~Taken from The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

In Exchange

Sometimes I feel lost within the petals..... 

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.” ~ Jim Morrison

Individuality Yet to Be

What does the past hold and duplicates in your future? I find there's nothing there but photos lacking contrast full of imitated poses, predictability leading to a stereotypical fraud. You have no unique thoughts, never did, never will. Creativity is still lacking, no matter how different the layout of the land becomes or what disguise you wear to capture the timid young. A continuous lie after lie........to yourself.


“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Forever in My Thoughts

My Chloe - May 1997-June 2013

Guilt. I feel guilt daily several times.  Guilt for taking a two day trip, guilt I can no longer put her to bed at night and keep her warm, guilt for constantly checking the clock when I'm away from home.  Rather than guilt maybe its the emptiness, a void, an unbelievable sadness I feel that doesn't seem to want to go away.  Nothing seems to fill the void for very long.  I just keep waiting for it to get easier.......in time they say.

She made everything better.  She made me happy.  She was the only "person" who made me happy, all of the time for absolutely no reason at all ...... this was from the unconditional love she gave.

There is a power that dogs are given.....strong, unbreakable, forgiving, relentless, undoubting, calming.....a power that is so unyielding that it's incomprehensible such a small animal has been gifted with such a power. When they are taken away from us they yank a part out of us to hold with them to keep them safe, to remind them of how much they were loved, how much they were needed and how much they touched our lives.  If this is the reason for the hole I feel then I welcome it.  I will keep telling myself that the emptiness is for a good reason.  A reason that I am thankful I had 16 years to get ready for and a lifetime to hold her close to my heart and forever in my thoughts. I will miss you my Chloe Bear.

Welcomed clouds

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”  - Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds

The best kind of man?

Be with the man who ruins your lipstick not your mascara.....

It's taken me a long time to figure this out but I think its finally sunk in.

Secrets

The secrets are not in the words......they are in the thoughts behind them.

Never

You'll never make it there.