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... you cross my mind.
Ghosts of the Heart
Within my dreams I have needless conversations
And sometimes . . .
Regret stands so close I can feel its insulting breath.
Unrelenting is the "what if" theory that plays on
Until the opening of my eyes . . .
For explanations, I hang on to and anticipate their whispers.
Then nightly terrorized slumbers compel my inner demons
Taking over my heart . . .
A door to my soul locked, a spent key hidden inside.
I asked him, "Why did you marry me?" He pondered for only a short moment and responded, "Because you're beautiful." He stated this simply and without a second thought. To some, this would have been a grand compliment but to me it was one of the worst answers I could have hoped for and it hit like a ton of bricks. It opened my eyes. After a decade of marriage, this was the only answer he could come up with. That was over 6 years ago and the last question he ever answered that mattered to me.
Now, I've realized his simple response effected me in a way I never thought was possible. It's made me more aware of who I am and what I have to offer. It's made me aware of what others in my life are worth, whether it's been good or bad. What I see when I meet people, what is important to me about them. What other qualities they possess besides their outer glow, what makes them who they are, what drives them to be a better person both for themselves and hopefully, for me. I will not settle for just anyone. I know who I'm looking for and it's not just a pretty person.
“Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. . . . Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have." ~ Henry Rollins
