The Nothing that Lingers

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” ~ Buddha  
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It creeps, it stalks, it digs a small little crevice in your mind where it can hide and throw rocks of apprehension when you least expect it.  A quiet white noise . . . yet louder than a wind storm that keeps a ringing in your ears for days and days and days . . . 

Thoughts . . .

"There is a radar in my heart, I should have trusted, From the start . . ." ~ Depeche Mode

Just Through the Glass

Me, doing what I love most. Photographed by a good friend.

There is something about looking through and concentrating on nothing but the vision in the glass, that makes everything else in your life disappear.  When you see the simplicity of nature on a scale missed by the naked eye it tends to leave you sometimes breathless and almost always without words of definition.  And sometimes, if not for the proof of a photo, believing its possibility seems almost out of reach.  But then there's a moment when you feel your heart flutter, hear your own gasp, when you realize you've found the perfect shot.  To you . . . every next photograph seems over and beyond yet more beautiful than the last. 

I knew this time would come

"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one."  ~Stella Adler
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Before I was a photographer I was in front of the camera trying to prove something to myself.  Trying to find myself and trying to make myself feel happy about myself.  When I was not prepared to quit, I did.  I began taking photos instead.  I tried to fill the void by making art instead.  Again, I was on a mission to prove something.  The only problem with that is that you have to know what you're trying to prove to actually accomplish it.  I never found what I was working towards on a scale that would make everyone around me happy.  Instead, I felt I was always answering questions that again made me wonder what I was trying to prove.  Was I trying to prove something to them or was I trying to prove something to myself?  In the end, it makes no difference.    I am happy with my photos, I am happy when I take them, I am happy when I create art.  It's as simple as that.  


I will no longer photograph models.  I will no longer take on paid assignments unless it suits me and makes me happy.  No more stress doing what I love the most.  I will do what I love because that is all it is.  Making love with art.   
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Pick up the latest book by Nikki Sixx "This is Gonna Hurt".  If you know me, if you understand why I might get inclined to do what I love without payment, after reading the first few chapters - you will get it entirely.  

It's Quiet Now

After the storm, before the sun there is a quietness that hums like the melody of a wasp. 

Don't Try to Fix It . . .

Sedona

Sometimes things aren't broken, they're just different and built to excel at things you're not. 

A Decision Left to Ponder

"It is better to have your head in the clouds, and know where you are... than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them, and think that you are in paradise." ~ Henry David Thoreau


When do you reach the point of making a decision to live your life the way you want to live it or accepting the fact that living it has been simply for the sake of others? Have the decisions you've made through your life made you better or have they convinced you that where they've taken you is fate and you had no choice?


We are who we make of ourselves, through the cause and effect of our decisions.  Own it, deal with it, or give up on it and seal your own fate.  

Memories dissolve slowly . . .

"...Whose souls, albeit in a cloudy memory, yet seek back their good, but, like drunk men, know not the road home." 
~ Anicius Manlius Severinus Boethius

Why Take Them?

". . . because I am the person I know best." ~Frida Kahlo