Forever in My Thoughts

My Chloe - May 1997-June 2013

Guilt. I feel guilt daily several times.  Guilt for taking a two day trip, guilt I can no longer put her to bed at night and keep her warm, guilt for constantly checking the clock when I'm away from home.  Rather than guilt maybe its the emptiness, a void, an unbelievable sadness I feel that doesn't seem to want to go away.  Nothing seems to fill the void for very long.  I just keep waiting for it to get easier.......in time they say.

She made everything better.  She made me happy.  She was the only "person" who made me happy, all of the time for absolutely no reason at all ...... this was from the unconditional love she gave.

There is a power that dogs are given.....strong, unbreakable, forgiving, relentless, undoubting, calming.....a power that is so unyielding that it's incomprehensible such a small animal has been gifted with such a power. When they are taken away from us they yank a part out of us to hold with them to keep them safe, to remind them of how much they were loved, how much they were needed and how much they touched our lives.  If this is the reason for the hole I feel then I welcome it.  I will keep telling myself that the emptiness is for a good reason.  A reason that I am thankful I had 16 years to get ready for and a lifetime to hold her close to my heart and forever in my thoughts. I will miss you my Chloe Bear.