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I really hate this feeling. How can a feeling be so empty yet feel as though it fills my entire being without regard to my state of mind? Very slowly over a period of time, it has created this monster within that stalks my inner demons......and sulks when it doesn't get it's way.
I will give in.......I always give in.
After all these years, it's a feeling I've never been able to accept. Yet it happens every time I get close. It eats me alive until I simply can take it no longer. I never knew the why, the what, and when. It would just happen.
Today I had a revelation. Now suddenly, as I sit here, I realize that its a fight or flight defense. Normally my mind wanders randomly and can't pinpoint the reasoning behind the confusion. I no longer have the fight in me......but is the flight so much easier? And at what cost? It's so much easier now to just accept it and move on. It is what it is and it is what I am. At this point, why bother changing years of hard work?
1 comment:
You're right. The flight is oh so much more graceful. The fight leaves you bloodied and broken, barely able to move on. But with each flight you leave a little bit more fight behind you, until there is nothing left worth fighting for.
There is another alternative, and that is to surrender. Surrender is not defeat, and your heart is not your enemy. Ernest Holmes wrote, “We cannot be healed of any problem if it is the result of some mental attitude that we will not surrender.”
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